June 17th, 2011
Last week I didn’t show up, but now I am back and I will talk about something that it’s not completely related to fashion but it is really related to our current reality, you know I always like to go deeper once in a while!.
The other day I went for dinner with a friend that I haven’t seen for a long time, and among other things he told me that he is getting a divorce. Honestly I was not surprised because I have been receiving this kind of news from many of my friends since a while ago. And, it is even more common if they have been married for many years.
Based in all my friends’ reactions and seeing the decisions they made about their lives, I developed a “theory” that explains (at least for me) why people of my generation are getting a divorce so often.
For me there are three groups of people of 33 to 45 years. This generation (mine) has been suffering a lot of changes regarding technology, social rules and basically moral rules; nothing is the way it used to be.
In the last two decades, we have moved from a very strict morality, as our parents had, to a very open morality where everything is accepted. There is no need to be a virgin or to go to church every Sunday to be “able to get married” or be consider as “an honest and serious lady”.
Now days, if you decide to be gay, you just can be and say it loud, just as Ricky Martin did, nobody is going to sensor you as they did before (Thank God!).
Also, it is just great to wait to get married and do it after your 30’s; same to have children, there is no hurry! You can wait until you, as an individual, are completely developed. That’s why “40’s are the new 30’s”.
Regarding marriage it has been also a big revolution, now is perfect if you decide to live with your boyfriend with out getting married and also to have a baby. There are no more “mistakes” and nobody hide the poor girls that got pregnant before getting married. Also, there is no harm in having fun and go out to meet people because … EVERYBODY is doing the same.
And what about technology? When I was young in my house we used to have a white and black TV together with the color TV, a VCR, a VHS, a walkman, a record player and a super modern computer Apple IIe. From those old things, we suddenly started to have CD’s, IPODs, Laptops, Facebook, Twitter, Internet, mobile phones, etc, etc…
Huge revolution, don’t you think? (I can’t imagine how my dad, who is 87, had to adapt his head from what he had seen during his life!)
But, let’s back to the point:
Why are people getting divorce so often in my generation? (I am 39, by the way).
I divide my generation in three groups:
The first group is the one who is happy living with the old rules, what is called “by the book”, this group follows all the social rules and they are planning to keep doing that. They are up to date regarding technology and everything around their lives, but they just don’t understand why gays exists or why people go to live together with out getting married. Everything that is conservative is perfect to them. But guess what? They are very HAPPY! They don’t have a fake morality, they are 100% honest with their selves and the way they live, actually I cannot imagine them living in any other way.
By now, in their majority they already have children, since they got married very young (25 years the latest). And all of them are still married, there is out of their plans to get divorce … marriage is just one! And it last forever!!!
Regarding their professional development, man usually had developed all their potential and woman usually, not always, had been at home taking care of their family. Women depend on men earnings but they are economically stable, they have a good or great life.
The second group is just the opposite (here is my group). There is no “by the book” in their lives, actually what book? They grew up with all their parents’ rules but in certain age they decided to experiment and write their own rules. People in this group may still single, no children and guess what? They are very HAPPY! (As happy as the other group). They are also completely honest with themselves and they are not worried about becoming a “spinster” or eternal “bachelor” because there is no longer that term, they didn’t get married because they didn’t want to, they are single because they choose to be single. This group is gay friendly and they have no issues with others morality. This group may want to get married or live with someone, but that will happen just after they had accomplished their personal and professional development. They usually lived alone when they are single, so they will want to share their lives with some one, but they will not like to be dependant.
Now, the third group is the one who has the conflict and this is the group where almost all my friends with divorce, separation or existential issues are … let me put it this way:
The third group thought when they were 25 that they belong to the first group, and then, when they turned 35 they realized that they are actually part of the second group. Gulp!!!!
The problem of this group is that by the time that they realized that they want something else, they already have a wife, or a husband, children, dogs, houses, mortgages, cars and a marriage mess that it is not that easy to split.
Imagine waking up one day and realize that you want to be “free”, and not only physically free but also mentally free, no commitments, no attachments … wow! Difficult no?
Some of this guys have never lived alone and they want to try that, they want to see what is to have your own place, maybe your own business and be able to do with your money what ever you want with out have to be responsible of someone else. They just want to know what is to fly alone and not have to worry about anyone but their selves.
Well, what a conflict no? The obvious solution for this group will be to get a divorce, but not all of them can do that because, as some of them say… It is too expensive!! So big dilemma, no?
So … what do you think about my theories? Make sense? In which group are you now?
Any way, it really doesn’t matter in which group are you if you are happy, thank God we are all different and that is the beauty of diversity, don’t you think? If we are happy, let the world goes crazy!!
Next week I promise to write more fashion and less philosophy!!!